What the Hell Have I Been Doing?

Yes folks it’s been many, many, many months since I last posted here. Probably no one but me has wondered what the hell I’ve been doing. Well, if you’re reading this then maybe you do have some passing interest in what I’ve been up to and for that I thank you.

Well, a couple of things happened to create a kind of “perfect storm” in my life. We moved from Bellingham, WA to Portland OR. In our case that meant selling and buying houses. Getting a house ready to sell takes a lot of time and effort so most of my attention went to that project. Once the house sold we had a very short amount of time to find a new home in Portland. There were some tense moments but everything worked out just fine. I’m loving Portland despite the rain and grey.

Meanwhile, a great debate was brewing in my soul. After really putting my heart into writing two novels, getting an agent with one of them, and then having it all just disappear, I just couldn’t bring myself to start again. I tried. I started two books in fact but I just couldn’t stick with it. At the same time I also realized that I REALLY can’t count on writing fiction as a way to bring in money to the household. So I’m re-focusing on my current career options.

In addition, I’m in a new town and would like to meet new people, make some friends, and become part of this great community. All this takes time away from writing.

I thought long and hard about whether to fold up this blog, stop writing and slink quietly into the sunset. After all, a blog that isn’t updated regularly isn’t really going to have much of a readership.

Doing that just didn’t feel right. Not writing didn’t feel right. So here I am again, starting over. I’ve started working on a new book and I’ll let you know how that goes.

One thing that has become painfully clear through all this–I have to write what I want to write. Before I tried more to take in what’s popular right now and offer my version of it. Does that make sense? Previously I listened to what editors supposedly were looking for and tried to incorporate that into my story. This time I’m just going to let the story I have in mind unfold without trying to emulate what’s popular or what editors are possibly looking for right now.

I know what you’re thinking, “You can’t just write whatever you want. You have to at least try to write a book that is marketable. Where’s your business sense?!? Writing is a business after all!”

Well, maybe you weren’t thinking that but that’s what I heard in my head. Been there done that and it didn’t work so I need to try something else. I’ve decided to write a book that I want to write. Maybe it will get published eventually and maybe it won’t. . .oh well. I have to keep writing so that I can try to become a better writer. I actually do believe that if I write a great book it will get published in one format or another. Still, it’s hard not to feel defeated before I start. When I think of all the successful, published authors I’m privileged to know I feel like a loser. I’m fighting against that kind of thinking because it paralyzes me. One thing I know for sure is that if I stop trying I absolutely won’t get published.

So, I hope to offer you some more regular posts in the future and I’ll keep you apprised of my fiction writing progress. It’s all about baby steps for me right now.

Thanks for taking the time to read this post. Your time is valuable and I appreciate you sharing it with me.

Photo Credit: http://www.flickr.com/photos/jeffreyww/ / CC BY 2.0