I can clearly pinpoint the moment I felt like a “real” writer—it was when I signed with my agent. At that moment I felt it in my bones. Why yes Virginia there’s a Santa Claus and I’m a writer for real. It didn’t seem to matter that my nonfiction articles had already been published in national magazines. Somehow that didn’t count as “real” writing.
In that moment of feeling legitimized I caught myself thinking wow how sad. You’re the same person you were before the agent wanted to sign you, the book is the same, and yet somehow now you’re a “real” writer. Hmmm that’s some screwy thinking.
The thing is the book didn’t sell and I have no idea whether or not I still have an agent. None of that matters. I’ve figured out what makes someone a “legitimate, real, yes you can call yourself one” writer. Drum roll please. . .you’re a writer if you write. That’s it. I’m going to leave out any discussion of whether the writing itself is good or bad since all writers are constantly learning and hopefully perfecting their craft.
In my book, if you write, you’re a writer.
That’s why, right now, I’m not a writer. I’m kind of a writer-in-waiting. There’s been some major changes going on in my life. I’m in the middle of trying to sell our house and move to Portland, OR. That in itself takes up a lot of time. Then comes the little issue of being completely devastated when my book didn’t sell. That threw me for a big, long, in the bell jar, ugly loop. It also made me realize I needed another day job to support things while I try to break into writing.
In truth my whole attitude about writing has changed. For awhile there I wasn’t sure if I was even going to continue with it. Lately though I’ve started writing things in my head while I’m on the treadmill or in the shower. Thoughts about the two books I started have begun to slip into my mind. And finally I’ve come back to this blog and am writing a post again.
I think somehow I needed to hit the reset button and reboot. It’s taken me longer than I would have liked but writing is teaching me patience.
So to all your writers out there–keep writing, write well, have fun with it.
Photo Credit: byrdiegyrl
{ 21 comments… read them below or add one }
The difference is your writing identity is it’s now no longer dependent on publication. Writing is one activity, one which we have the most direct control over. Publishing is another activity, one which we have little control over. Focusing on what we can control is sound no matter what we’re doing. This doesn’t mean you have to drop the goal of being published, of course. It’s just that writing and being published are not the same thing.
Incidentally, I would argue you’re not a writer-in-waiting right now. You’re a writer who happens to not be writing at this exact moment. Some writers write more than others, but just about all of us go through periods of not writing. You’re thinking about writing, looking ahead, reflecting on the act and its meaning for you. That makes you a writer even if you’re not putting words to page.
Of course that gets into the whole discussion of self-identity and how tied up we are in our view of ourselves as “writers”. There is chatter around the internet about the dangers of too strong a self-identification as writer. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it, however, so long as we understand we our identity is greater than our avocation, no matter how important writing is to us.
Awww, thanks Bill. I love that I’m not a writer-in-waiting but a writer who happens to not be writing. I’m starting to feel excited about getting back at it so I think that’s a good sign.
You make an excellent point regarding writing vs. publication. Of course my quest for publication will continue but before I made no distinction. I think some old pro needs to write a book about the different stages you go through as a writer!
Probably something like:
• Recrimination
• Doubt
• Self-loathing
(Get accepted for publication)
• Glee
• Giddiness
(First review – negative)
• Doubt
• Self-loathing
(First review – position)
• Glee
• Giddiness
(First book event)
• Terror
(But no one is there)
• Doubt
• Self-loathing
(But at the next one, someone is there)
• Glee
• Giddiness
(Start writing next book)
• Recrimination
• Doubt
• Self-loathing
…
Anyway, you see where I’m going with this.
Bill you’re probably one of the funniest people I know. I love it! At least now I know what to expect. . .recrimination/doubt/self-loathing got it.
Welcome back, sister. Sure did miss your perspective.
Just a reminder, my first book didn’t sell either. Have hope, keep pushing, and it WILL happen. Cut yourself some slack. It’s hard. But keep writing. You’re too good not to.
xo
Thanks sister! I’m going to keep on doing it. I always appreciate your words of encouragement.
I really loved this. By your definition, I’ve been a writer all my life, even though I’ve rarely felt like one. As of late, I’ve been discouraged and feeling like what’s the point, but truth of the matter is, I dream of the day I can quit the day job and make writing my day job and not just something I do for fun or on the side for extra cash.
Good luck with your move to PDX! Would be happy to give you the scoop on the best happy hours!
.-= Christine Staley´s last blog ..NEWSFLASH: THE PODCAST IS STAGING A COMEBACK =-.
Christine,
Thanks for stopping by. Writing is hard on the ego that’s for sure. Getting published has become a much longer process than I hoped it would be. Still we strive on together—you can do it!
I’d definitely like to hear about your fine wine bars if you have any.
Hi Mary Frances,
I think Bill’s onto something but you are too. Writers write. It’s to create an emotional connection to an audience through our personal love of words. Story is a whole different kettle of fish.
There are writers and there are storytellers, and the combination of perfecting those two talents creates novelists. Then, if the talent, luck and stars are aligned, the novelists become published authors. Of course, not all authors are novelists, and can publish a whole variety of stuff.
As a writer, I have been through many stages, and what I wrote was tied directly to what I read, and the events of my life. Writing to connect to an audience is a desire, not a goal. Publication is a goal, to reach a broader audience, and then the writer also become a business. And the primary business of the writer, is to write.
Did I get enough stages in there for you?
.-= terri patrick´s last blog ..audience =-.
Terri,
Loved your comment, thanks. It takes a lot of work, perseverance, talent, rewrites and luck to get published. I think it helps when you can wade through the difference between a desire and a goal because it’s so easy to get discouraged. Definitely an excellent addition to the stages of a writer’s life!
That’s a great point, Terri: writers write to create an emotional connection to an audience. It’s something MF does very effectively here on her blog, and which I have every confidence she will someday do as a novelist.
Great post, and I agree. I love Bill’s list, too. Like most things, it’s funny because it’s so true. Especially the “doubt” part.
I’m getting depressed about writing, too. I so lucky to have a CP who keeps telling me I’m a great writer. I am so needy.
Hi Edie,
For some reason your post made this image pop into my head: A group of writers camping, sitting around a fire telling scary stories. You know like, “And then my publisher dropped me,” or “It was my one billionth rejection,” or “What if I’m not a very good writer.” Now that’s really what writer’s nightmares are made of — HA.
Hang in there doll! Never give up, never surrender.
Mary Frances-
By Grabthar’s hammer, I call people “doll” and quote that line from Galaxy Quest, too. I thought I was reading my own comment.
It’s taken me much longer to be published than I thought, too, and I’m glad I didn’t know when I started. I’ve made progress as a writer, I think, but the external proof is lagging. I got the agent (yay) who passed around my book to a couple thumbs-downs but also some truly glowing rejections. However, market conditions, tone, the phase of the moon didn’t align to get me over the hump with the editors who liked it.
I’m starting a new book-length project in a couple of weeks which has been simmering in different forms for a while now. Something will simmer for you (sounds like it may be already on the boil) and you’ll write it, regardless of the marketplace or anything else. And if luck aligns, almost a certainty if you just keep pestering it enough, you’ll be where you’d hoped.
I’ve been a writer not-writing, too, and I sympathize with the breaks we all need for battle fatigue. But you don’t sound done with fiction writing. Just recuperating, I’m afraid.
.-= Clare2e´s last blog ..Just Decide Whether You Hate the Hat =-.
Whoa Clare2e it’s like we’re leading parallel lives or something. If I’d actually known what this journey would be like before I started, I might not have taken the ride. Still, I’ve met so many really cool writing people along the way. That’s really been the best part of the journey so far. I love the idea of taking a break to deal with battle fatigue. That’s a perfect assessment. Thanks for taking the time to contribute and share!
Ditto for me, Mary Frances. The writing compadres, even (maybe especially) when I’m not on top of the world, have been the greatest. And some of them, present company included, are so terrific and talented, that I know I’ll at least be able to hitch a ride on excellent coattails someday : )
.-= Clare2e´s last blog ..Just Decide Whether You Hate the Hat =-.
as much as i try to keep my writing life separate from my real life, it does define me in ways i can’t seem to control, and in ways i don’t fully understand. i have found that without an agent and without a contract, i am still a writer. in fact, i think the lack of both agent and contract has given me the freedom to become a better writer. i’ve gotten back to writing what i want to write, rather than writing what others expect me to write.
Bill’s list: i’m gonna be a writer when i grow up because i want a career that will make me bipolar.
Hi Anne,
It’s a question of the chicken and the egg, right? Which comes first–being crazy enough to want to be a writer or wanting to be a writer making you crazy. HA
When I was young I saw an interview with Harrison Ford and how when he was a carpenter he still referred to himself as an actor. So, long before I got any writing gigs I established my identity and thought, “What the heck? I’m a writer.” Didn’t mean I was any good with prose. But it helped give me the confidence to grind on… Great post.
Mary Frances, I’m so sorry to hear your book didn’t sell. I heard that the market is so much worse & it’s even tougher to break in. That must have been overwhelming with everything else you were going through. I hope you have settled in your new home by now and are ready for a fresh start. I took a hiatus in writing, although mostly for health reasons. I had to smile when you confessed you were thinking up stories while on the treadmill –me too.
.-= Lisa´s last blog ..Reading Ebooks in the Palm of my Hand =-.